Reviewing the best and worst of THC and functional beverages

The Silent Sip

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  • Fable Night Flight Infused Botanical Cocktail

    Spicier than your group chat

    Fable’s Night Flight isn’t just another drink in a pretty can, it’s a full-blown botanical concert in liquid form. With 5mg of hemp-derived THC and 3mg CBD keeping perfect time, this hibiscus-ginger-mint masterpiece orchestrates flavors like a master conductor with perfect timing and zero stage fright.

    Let’s see how many more music references I can make: the show opens with blackberry and hibiscus setting a sweet melody, before ginger crashes the stage with a little heat, like an unexpected key change that somehow works perfectly. Just when you think you know the score, cucumber and spearmint glide in like jazz musicians at an after-hours club, cooling things down with effortless sophistication. Every sip plays out like a well-orchestrated dance between sweet, spicy, and refreshing.

    Night Flight delivers a mellow, feel-good buzz that’s perfect for unwinding without going overboard. It’s just enough to smooth out the edges of your day while keeping you grounded and fully in the moment. The label is simple but very clear about the natural ingredients with a nice little call to ‘drink intentionally.’

    (Pro Tip: Add a shot of Natterjack Irish Whiskey to this bad boy, and you’ve got yourself an effortlessly elegant cocktail. The whiskey’s smooth richness plays beautifully with the ginger’s warmth and the floral tang of hibiscus. Trust me – it’s the kind of drink that makes you feel like a mixology genius without breaking a sweat.)

    Verdict

    One of the best I’ve tried. With a symphony of flavors that surprise and delight at every turn, Night Flight delivers a performance worth the price of admission. The THC/CBD duo keeps things mellow yet engaging, like a perfectly paced jazz band set. This feels like something you’d discover on the secret menu at a fancy speakeasy, but with all the convenience of cracking open a can.

  • Coastalo THC Grape Soda

    Grape expectations, mellow vibrations

    Welp, this is grape soda, straight-up. The real sugar and fruit juice make it taste clean and authentic, like the soda machine at the corner store nailed it. The fizz is a bit meh but the flavor is unapologetically purple and delightfully nostalgic.

    At 5mg THC, it’s not exactly an interstellar journey, but it’s just enough to make you tilt your head at the clouds and think, “Have they always looked like that?” It’s a gentle buzz, noticeable but not overwhelming, like a polite tap on the shoulder from a friend saying, “Hey, let’s just chill for a bit.”

    (Here’s a super quick cannabis chemistry lesson: THC is the life of the party, the friend making karaoke seem like a great idea. CBD, on the other hand, is the designated driver, chilling you out while making sure you drink enough water and don’t text your ex. Coastalo skips the CBD, which means this grape soda leans fully into the head high zone – light, floaty, and great for vibing without feeling tethered to your couch.)

    Now we get to the can. Look, I’m rooting for it, but it looks like it got nervous before a first date and started sweating through its shirt. The design isn’t bad—it’s just… poorly executed. Smudged, smeared, and generally giving “oops, deadline was yesterday” energy.

    Verdict

    Coastalo Grape Soda is a solid THC beverage. The head high is clean and light, the flavor is on point, and it’s easy to sip without overthinking things. Sure, the can looks like it’s seen some stuff, but if you’re craving that nostalgic grape soda taste with a little THC-fueled sparkle this is worth tossing in the cooler.

  • Delta Light THC Seltzer

    It’s giving “Could be sparkling water, could be printer toner.”

    Looking for a buzz without the baggage? Delta Light’s Bright Berry is here to remind you that good things can come in uninspired packages. At 5mg THC and 1mg CBD, this seltzer is the definition of dependable – predictable, functional, and about as visually thrilling as a plain white T-shirt.

    Think of it as the friend at the party who insists on responsible hydration and always gets everyone home safely. You can sip a few of these without fear of starring in tomorrow’s viral fail video. The effects are gentle but definitely noticeable enough to smooth out social interactions and make your coworker’s vacation slideshow feel almost interesting.

    Now, let’s talk taste. We need to address the stevia-flavored elephant in the room: if you’re not into that sugar-substitute vibe, this might not be your jam. But hey, it’s zero calorie so your waistline will thank you, and after the first one, you probably won’t care anymore.

    Verdict

    Delta Light Bright Berry is the “I have a meeting tomorrow” of cannabis drinks. It won’t light up your night, but it’ll keep things smooth, steady, and entirely regret-free.

  • Happi Dance THC Seltzer

    When your drink has better moves than you do

    Meet Dance, Happi’s newest addition to their cannabis seltzer line. With 5mgs each THC, CBD and THCV, it’s a well-rounded sip seemingly formulated by someone who actually drinks these things. Add a splash of ginseng for mood-boosting magic (because let’s be real, who doesn’t need that these days?), and you’ve got a functional beverage that’s practically doing sun salutations in your cup. 🧘‍♀️✨

    (As an aside: I’ve been on the hunt for more drinks with THCV so I was super excited to see it featured here. THCV is a cannabinoid with a milder psychotropic effect than THC and when combined with THC and CBD, it creates what the experts call an Entourage Effect that blends focus, relaxation, and just enough psychoactivity to keep things interesting without tipping into couch-lock territory.)

    Flavor-wise, the mango and sweet basil in Dance swing together like partners who’ve been practicing for years. It’s fresh without feeling sugary and herby without tasting like you accidentally licked a houseplant. And the effects? It’s a subtly balanced boost, mellow without being sleepy, social without being overstimulated. This isn’t a beverage for a solo space-out session where you question all your life choices, it’s for connection and fun. Think lakeside lounging, backyard BBQs, or a chill gathering where you need to keep your wit sharp and your vibe loose.

    The packaging is bright and the line-drawn headphones on the label add a playful touch. Overall it fits nicely into Happi’s existing line of THC drinks, most of which are also awesome.

    Verdict

    Happi Dance isn’t trying to be the loudest drink at the party…it’s the one in the corner making everyone feel at ease while dropping little nuggets of wit and wisdom. It tastes yummy, looks cool, and delivers a light-but-purposeful buzz. It won’t have you dancing on tables, but it will have you swaying along happily.

  • Cycling Frog Raspberry Lemonade

    Not your grandma’s lemonade (unless she happens to be groovy af)

    At 50mg each of THC and CBD, this full-spectrum sipper doesn’t just suggest you relax—it politely insists, then hands you a weighted blanket, dims the lights, and puts on some lo-fi beats. It’s the heavyweight champion of cannabis beverages, offering a spa day for your consciousness, complete with aromatherapy and soft robes. But fair warning: this frog’s got kick. Novices might find themselves questioning time, space, and whether or not they’ve blinked recently, so sip wisely.

    While it’s labeled as Raspberry Lemonade, it drinks more like a sophisticated pomegranate juice—bright, tart, and refreshingly bold. It’s not cloyingly sweet, and it’s got enough personality to stand on its own. But here’s the pro move: pour it over ice, splash in some sparkling water or extra lemonade, and voilà – you’ve got a zingy mocktail that’s anything but mock.

    Cycling Frog’s packaging nails the sweet spot between playful and refined, with retro-inspired vibes that feel more vintage apothecary cool than stoner cartoon silly. It’s Instagram-worthy without screaming for attention.

    Verdict

    Cycling Frog doesn’t just check the boxes—it leapfrogs over them (see what I did there?). With knockout efficacy, a genuinely delicious flavor profile, and branding that strikes the perfect note of cool confidence, it’s a true standout in the crowded THC drink world. If you’ve got the tolerance for this one, this frog is worth every sip. 🐸✨

  • HOWDY THC Lemonade

    I expected better from something calling itself Cosmic Cannabis Seltzer

    Y’all, ordering a THC drink at a bar in Texas feels a little like getting away with something. On a recent trip to ATX, I was half expecting a sheriff to pop out from behind the bar fridge to arrest me when I ordered a can of HOWDY THC Seltzer in the 5mg Lemonade flavor. I chose it because of the packaging which is absolutely stellar…kinda like someone bottled a neon rodeo under a starry sky. The label is straight-up gorgeous, with vintage vibes that had me salivating. I was fully prepared to yeehaw my way into the stratosphere.

    But hold your horses…the actual drink? Let’s just say it’s more “meh” than cosmic. 😕 The taste is about as exciting as watching tumbleweeds roll by, and the effects were so subtle I wasn’t sure if I was actually feeling some chill or just getting exhausted from wondering when I’d feel something. I waited… and waited… and waited some more, but three hours later the only thing I felt was disappointment.

    Verdict

    All hat and no cattle. Save your money, pardner. A cool concept and rad packaging can’t make up for zero buzz and meh taste. Props to HOWDY for bringing THC drinks to the Lone Star State (legally!) through the hemp-derived loophole, but this cosmic cowboy needs some serious buzz and flavor refinement before it’s worth your hard-earned dollars.